Four Quadrants
by creativeisolation
Summary: Human!Stuck AU. Terezi Pyrope is a famous actress. Her newest gig? Co-hosting a game show with Karkat Vantas. Will scandal abound? You decide. The possibility of hilarity? 100%. Multi-pairing/reader-requested.  "YOU KNOW, K4RKL3S, TH1S 1S 4 F4M1LY SHOW."
1. A Brief Introduction

**Hello there! Timeworn here!**

**This is a fic I am writing in collaboration with my good friend combativeAdjutor. She will also be posting a copy of this, since Fanfic is stupid and doesn't have a co-author option like it should. :p**

**Also, she will soon be posting a little character backstory to accompany this for the wonderful Terezi Pyrope. :D**

**So, there will indeed be some OOC-ness in this, if only because the world of showbiz is all about faking everything (basically) to get what you want.  
><strong>**Speaking of what you want, we will be taking requests for the couples featured in these chapters, with the exception of the first, which we will be doing as an example of what goes down (of sorts). **

**In order to see your pairings featured, you will need to answer this trivia question in a review with your requested pairings. The question to request pairings for the third chapter is... *dramatic drumroll***

**WHAT GOD TIER TITLE DOES HUSSIE GIVE TO JOHN'S NEIGHBOR? WHO IS THIS PERSON KNOWN AS OTHERWISE?**

**Good luck! 38) ****::::)**

**Timeworn and Combative**

**Oh, by the way, we don't own Homestuck in any way. Just in case that was at all a possibility to you or something.**

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><p>TEREZI PYROPE tapped her foot impatiently, listening to the STAGE CREW rush around and make last minute adjustments. Her co-host, KARKAT VANTAS, inexperienced as he was, had yet to appear on set. She stiffened as she heard a familiar and annoying laugh from somewhere behind her. She glanced in the general direction of the papers in her hands and sniffed at the ink, making out the name VRISKA SERKET in sour blue raspberry font. She sighed before forcing herself to smile, showing off her VERY SHARP TEETH. It was the smile she had become famous for. It alone had given her a role as a child-zombie that would later launch a MASSIVE, MONSTER MOVIE CAREER. This was her first semi-normal gig since A PLAY in elementary school.<p>

Her co-host announced his arrival with A GREAT DEAL OF SCREAMING AND WHINING. Rolling her eyes behind her trademark red specs, she made her way to him across the set.

"DO I HAVE TO DO THIS?" He was screeching at his manager as she approached.

"Of corpse, Karkat!" His morbid, death-obsessed manager, ARADIA MEGIDO, said cheerfully. Terezi smiled - she liked this woman already. She took an automatic shining to anyone who could produce some semblance of control over Karkles.

"FINE." Karkat grumbled. "WHO'S MY COHOST AGAIN?"

"TH4T'D B3 M3, K4RKL3S!" Terezi crowed. The pair turned and she flashed THE FAMOUS GRIN.

"0h, Ms. Pyr0pe! G00d t0 see y0u!" Aradia gushed. Terezi ignored the obvious attempt to suck up to her. Karkat, on the other hand, stalked off, muttering something about "GETTING THE FUCK AWAY FROM GOGDAMN FUCKING SHE-ZOMBIES". Aradia looked severely annoyed by this.

"D0n't w0rry ab0ut him, miss. I'll talk t0 him." She assured, hurrying after her testy charge.

Terezi shook her head at the pair and licked her watch. Ten minutes. She walked back to her reserved chair and plopped down, taking a swig of her overly-sweet coffee. The chair next to hers scraped against the cement floor as Karkat collapsed into his seat like a sack of ditched potatoes.

"SO, WHO ARE THESE COUPLES IN THIS SHOW?" Karkat snapped. It seemed that Aradia had had a very stern conversation with the inexperienced actor. Terezi sniffed out the other names on her sheaf of script.

"TH4T WOULD B3, ROS3 L4LOND3 4ND K4N4Y4 M4RY4M V3RSUS JOHN 3GB3RT 4ND... VR1SK4 S3RK3T." She spat the last name like a child with a food of particular distaste, earning a slight grin and chuckle from her partner.

'SO YOU HAVE A HISTORY WITH THE SPIDER-BITCH TOO?" Karkat asked. Terezi grimaced.

"UNFORTUN4AT3LY. GO3S B4CK TO WH3N W3 CO-ST4RR3D 1N 'VOL4T1L3 T1M3S.'" She provided vaguely, waving a dismissive hand. Karkat shrugged and bit off a large chunk of the poppyseed muffin in his hand.

"Five minutes to showtime!" Someone called. The next minutes were a whirl of brushes, makeup and several outfit tweaks. At last, the two seated in matching black leather chairs, staring steadily at the camera. The director, Di Strider (who hated being called anything but Di or Bro), gave the cue and Terezi once again whipped out her world-famous grin.

"Hey, Terezi Pyrope, along with my co-host Karkat Vantas, here! Welcome back to Four Quadrants! Today, we're happy to introduce..."


	2. Round 1 :: VriskaJohn vs RoseKanaya

**Hey y'all! Timeworn's back! And Combative.**

**Here's another chapter (merry xmas and all that)! This is the first of many of the quizzy chapters.**

**Combative and I don't own Homestuck. If you think that, you're an idjit. We do, however, own this idea (intellectual property if you follow).**

**This chapter's trivia for fic pickings is... *drumroll***

**WHAT APPEARS WHEN YOU ACTIVATE TRICKSTER MODE IN ALTERNIABOUND?**

**Drop a review (with some actual feedback as well please!) with your answer and fave pairing!**

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><p>Smacking her lips to ensure the even application of her trademark BLUE LIPSTICK, VRISKA SERKET flipped her illustrious black tresses over her shoulder. Stupid goddamned shitty vanity mirror just couldn't do her justice.<p>

Her current boyfriend, famous pianist JOHN EGBERT, watched idly, his cheek resting in his palm as he stared disinterestedly around the DRESSING ROOM the two of them had been provided with.

"Soooooooo, John!" She said, causing him to start and sit straight up.

"Yeah Vriska?" He queried nervously. She suppressed a smile as she turned to him, gracing him with her SIGNATURE LAUGH AND HAIR FLIP.

"Are you ready to extric8 ourselves from this stupid dressing room?" She asked. He relaxed visibly at the simplicity of her question.

"Sure!" He sprang from the couch and opened the door to THE SET for her. She sashayed past, and he closed it behind her before hurrying to follow.

The pair got quite a few stares, most lacking subtlety, which Vriska ignored in full. John, on the other hand, glanced around nervously, fingernails dangerously close to becoming prey to his buckteeth.

They reached Vriska's destination: the snack table. She shoved a croissant with Nutella into his hands and selected a banana-nut muffin for herself. As they were eating, a clear, quiet voice sounded from somewhere near at hand.

"Vriska Serket." The A-list actress in question turned to find herself eye-to-eye with FASHION EXTRAORDINAIRE KANAYA MARYAM, accompanied by her girlfriend, UP AND COMING AUTHOR ROSE LALONDE. John winced at the unseen wattage of Vriska's smile.

"Kanaya Maryam and Rose Lalonde." She responded, acting as if she had been the one to initiate their conversation. As if the girls had expected this, nods and handshakes were exchanged.

"So, are you guys ready for this?" John asked, good-natured and happy as ever, although he appeared a bit nervous.

"Yes, although I am worried about you. Performing in front of people is one thing, but talking to them about your personal life is another completely." Rose explained.

"I'll be fine. Stop worrying about me and start thinking about how much you are going to lose! ...Or something like that..." John trailed off, frowning slightly.

"Yeah, John and I are going to win this one!" Vriska nodded confidently and laughed. Kanaya just smiled indulgently at her best friend.

"If You Believe That So Certainly." She said. Suddenly, a small gathering of stage and prep crew appeared.

"Pardon me misses and mister, but we've got five minutes till showtime!" A perky young woman said. At this, the party dropped their food items and followed the various employees to their respective destinations, barely managing a few waves and half-smiles before being separated.

They stood backstage, awaiting the announcement of their names.

"Hey, Terezi Pyrope, along with my co-host Karkat Vantas, here! Welcome back to Four Quadrants! Today, we're happy to introduce John Egbert and Vriska Serket." Vriska strutted onto the stage, pulling John along behind her. They took a seat on one of the two plush couches across from Terezi, behind which was a moderately sized screen adorned with their names.

There was silence for a few minutes and everyone looked around, waiting for the other two to be introduced, during which Terezi and Vriska shot daggers at each other.

"Oh, right, it's my turn. Well, fuck." Karkat Vantas muttered. He recieved a glare from Dirk. "Anyway, competing against them are Rose La-la-londe -how the hell am I supposed to say that? - and Kanaya Maryam." As the other two entered, Terezi elbowed her cohost sharply in the ribs.

"You know, Karkles, this _is _a family show." She cackled. Karkat glowered at her, inching away until he was compressed against the armrest of his chair.

"Now that you have all been introduced, I will explain the rules of this game!" Terezi announced. "Each of you will be working together to score points, based on the matching of your answers. One of you will be asked a question about the other or your relationship as a whole, and you will both write down what you think is the correct response in the thirty seconds alloted. If your answers match, you will receive all the points available; if the answers are _essentially _correct, however, you will only get half points. The team with the most points at the end of each round will receive one chance to skip a question in the next round. There will be ten questions per round, five to each couple, and three rounds total, giving you fifteen questions to work through. Whichever couple has the most points at the end will proceed to the preliminary contest! May all the luck be in your favor, aaaaaaall of it." She cast a mischievous smile at her ex-bffsy, who grimaced in response.

"We're going to get all the points." Vriska muttered. "AAAAAAAALL OF THEM!" She performed her hairflip as she said this, a gesture to which most would exude arrogance. John knew better, however, and saw it as a symbol of her projected, but not wholly felt, confidence.

"Alright, listen up!" Karkat snapped, causing the couples to jump to attention. "First question goes to Egderp and Spider-witch." He announced, barely catching the near slip in his clean language. "John, according to your memory, where and when did you first meet?"

John and Vriska quickly grabbed their boards and pens as the thirty seconds ticked off, scribbling as though their lives depened on it.

"Time's up." Terezi announced. John and Vriska put down their writing utensils. "Alright, Vriska, what answer did you write down?"

Vriska turned up her white-board and read it out loud, "October 1st 20XX, at a mall where he was playing the piano."

"Awww, well isn't that so sweet." Karkat said in a voice that dripped BARELY CONTAINED SARCASM.

"Now John, how about you show us your answer?" Terezi said. John looked at everyone nervously before turning up his whiteboard.

"October 31st, at my piano recital." John read nervously, shooting Vriska a sideways glance. Karkat and Terezi seemed to debate about the two answers before looking back at the couple.

"Well..." Terezi started. "While in a way you were both sort of correct, Vriska's answer does not match John's. Therefore, you guys don't receive any points for this question. Sorry!"

"Okay, now here is a question for Kanaya and Rose. Kanaya, what is Rose's favorite book?" Karkat sighed, rolling his eyes.

The two quickly wrote the answers that came to mind with 10 seconds to spare.

"Alright! Let's hear your answer, Rose."

"The Phantom of the Opera by Gaston Leroux." The blonde woman replied calmly.

"Kanaya?" Terezi queried, turning to the brunette.

"I Think You Will Find Our Answers Coincide." She replied, flipping the whiteboard around as proof of her statement. Terezi nodded.

"Congratulations, since your answers match, you receive ten points!" A ten appeared on the screen behind the girls' couch. "Back to John and Vriska! The question goes to Vriska; What is John's favorite movie?"

Vriska grinned before quickly scribbling an answer down. John hesitated for a second before writing something down as well.

"So John, what did you write?" Karkat asked.

"Con Air." John said, flipping his white board over.

"And Vriska?"

"Con Air." Vriska replied with a victorious note to her voice.

"Woo Hoo, ten points for team 'I don't even care'." Karkat grumbled. Terezi poked him.

"Don't be so grumpy, Karkles! Anyway, the next question goes back to Rose and Kanaya! Rose; who is Kanaya's favorite fashion designer?"

Rose seemed a bit stumped by that one before finally deciding on an answer.

"She does not have one, for she makes her own clothes." Rose read when prompted to by Terezi. Kanaya smiled and flipped her board, which bore the message "I may admire some, but I don't have a favorite. I make my own clothing." They were awarded another 10 points.

The game flew by in this manner and the two couples scores remained very close. However, in the end, there was on clear winner.

"Congratulations, John and Vriska! You two have won by five points!" Terezi announced at the end. Everyone stood and congradulated each other as the lights dimmed and the cameras stopped filming.

Everyone was tired and, as the studio audience was shuffled out, the set fell silent.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD THAT WAS HELL. ARADIA, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU GET ME IN!" Karkat yelled, disturbing the exhausted silence.

"Will you shut up? You were so negative during the entire show and now everyone just wants a break! Gosh, Karkles, for someone so adorable looking you are really un-cute!" Terezi snapped.

"Whatever, just fuck you. I'm done with this shit. I'm talking to my manager and I'm never coming back."

"Oh no you're not! You want to be an actor? Then you are keeping this gig. Do you know how hard it was to get you this spot? No more complaining, next time you willl cooperate or you will face my wrath!" Aradia snapped at him, walking onto the set and grabbing his arm. She dragged him out of the building and Terezi could swear that she heard him screaming for a few more minutes.

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><p><strong>Thanks again for reading! Allow it to be known that we will no longer be using quirks after this chapter because it's annoying as fuck to type and seems silly in dialogue, since they're just speaking.<strong>

**Also, next chapter will so far be Dave/Jade. Answer the provided question and give us another pairing to go with! **

**See y'all next time!**

**timeworn and combative**


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